Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Looking Back

While I was out yesterday the elevator door opened and I caught a glimpse of myself 18 years ago. Out stepped a mama carrying her round faced, bright eyed infant in a baby carrier and beside her was a curly haired blonde boy, maybe a year-and-a-half old. As they stepped off the elevator the fountain on the facing wall caught the eye of the toddler. His words weren't completely clear, but I think they were, "Look, Mama! Water! Water!" It could have been Tommy and Samuel and me. She did seem less frazzled than I remember being at that stage, but otherwise things were about the same.

I smile inwardly as the flood of memories wash over me: pushing Tommy in his stroller up Queen Anne Hill as we waited for Samuel's arrival; Tommy as a six-month old, laughing at the antics of Danny Kaye as he and Tom watched a movie together; Samuel doing the same thing when he was little; trying to shop with two kids just 15 1/2 months apart; watching them discover the world and grow. I remember the exhaustion, the uncertainty, and the exhaustion (oh, I guess I already said that), and the mingling of frustration, joy, and wonder as the parent of two little boys.

That mama who stepped out of the elevator has quite a ride ahead of her. I could fill her ears with stories and advice, but I doubt she'd be impressed. No matter how much support you have as a mom, it's still a kind of private journey for each of us. Godspeed, my friend. Enjoy the ride!

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